Nutrition Facts

I am constantly asked how I stay in such great shape.  I would like to say I'm just naturally fit and staying trim is effortless, but that's not the entire truth.

We've all seen those Dachshunds who are short and round, they look like little bullets, it's so unattractive.  God forbid you take one of those to the beach, their short little legs sink into the sand and you are left looking at a long bullet baking in the sun, stretching his neck as far as he can to snag that Burger King wrapper that's just out of reach.  Meanwhile I'm floating across the sand like Mohammed Ali catching pigeons left and right.

I believe in eating lots of small meals throughout the day, avoiding the bowl of food left out for me at home until the very end of the night when I'm just about to go to sleep.  I go outside multiple times during the day whether I have to take care of business or not, just for the chance to grab a quick bite to eat.  You can find all sorts of great snacks right outside your front door!  Sometimes I'm unsuccessful and I just go hungry for most of the day, but this is a great way to keep off those extra pounds that sneak up on you during the winter months.

I also sleep most of the day.  Did you know you burn calories while you sleep?  This is by far the easiest way to burn calories, and it's effortless!  When I do exercise I like to run.  Running is not for everyone though, you really have to have great form, otherwise you can easily hurt yourself.  I like to run as fast as I can for short distances, you might say I'm a "sprinter".  Running can be boring though, so I find ways to make it fun, such as chasing something, or encouraging someone else to chase me.  You can chase birds or squirrels, or ask someone to throw a ball for you to chase after.  Be careful though, you want to make sure that ball has come to a complete stop before running after it, otherwise it can bounce off of a wall or a tree and hit you in the face, you never know what that ball can do, it's very elusive.  If I'm stuck indoors for long periods of time I'll run as fast as I can and jump up on the bed, which provides for a very soft landing pad.  I'll do this as many times as I can and then it's so easy to just curl up and take a nap because I'm already on the bed.  Now don't forget, I'm still burning calories while I sleep.

See, it's easy to stay trim!  I'm not vain though, I mean, I know I look good, but I don't stare at myself in the mirror all day or anything.  Actually I usually get a little upset when I look in the mirror because I forget that I'm looking at my own reflection and I tell that other jerk to get the hell off my bed.  Who does he think he is?  This is my house!  But boy is he in great shape, and look at those quads, he must work out.

I Am Dexter, Hear Me Roar

I woke up from a nap today, one of many, thinking that I should probably relocate to the rug in the dining room.  I fell asleep under a chair for a while, with my legs and arms tucked under my body to keep warm and my chin resting on the floor.  I was awoken suddenly from a dream about finding a chicken bone on the sidewalk.  In the dream I was walking with Anna and smelled something amazing.  I look over and there is a little chicken bone covered with ants, it was so tempting I had to go for it, even though the ants sometimes crawl on my nose and make me sneeze.  I knew I had to act fast, and quickly got that bone in my mouth but just as I was about to savor whatever meat juice was left, Anna's hand was also in my mouth, totally ruining that great chicken flavor with the gross taste of her skin.  Anna's skin does not taste nearly as good as Jesse's.  I thankfully woke up before Anna could pry my mouth open and remove the bone, so at least I have the remains of a good dream left in my mind.

I'm hoping to see my girlfriend today.  She is such a babe.  She is some sort of Husky mix, probably inbred, and she really doesn't have much of a personality, but boy is she cute!  She's got legs up to here and bright blue eyes, and when she rolls me over in the grass and playfully bites my legs, I can't help but wonder what our puppies would look like.  Would they be lean and leggy like her?  Or would they be tough and muscular like me?  I bet they would have my ears.

My girlfriend, her name is Fenway, she likes to play hard to get.  Whenever I pass by her door she puts her nose to the window and I do the same and we touch noses through the glass in the door.  It's so romantic.  If I'm lucky she'll come out and play.  She's not very lady-like though, she usually has to pee right in the middle of playing, like she can't help herself.  I can't tell if this is hot or really weird.  But I patiently wait until she's done and then resume chasing her back and forth from the yard to her door.  Like I said, she likes to play hard to get.  But I always win her over with my awesome personality and cute butt.  I am sooo good at chasing her.

I am totally exhausted from digging the stuffing out of my bed all morning, but you should see the pile of stuffing I built!  It's huge!